“Team Grulke”

In March of 1998 my wife Sandie and I discovered that after just 9 months of marriage she was pregnant.  And not only was she pregnant, she was 8 weeks along.  We quickly changed our lives to prepare for a child.  This included buying a house (we had a great one bed room apartment), getting a dog, and setting up child care.  Sandie was in her second year of podiatry school, so she also had to workout a schedule to do her third year part time over two years.  In the end things really worked out.  We were blessed with our first daughter Emily in October.  Sandie was able to balance school and motherhood.  Our neighborhood was full of nice young families.  And our families were able to offer a lot of support.

6 years later in the summer of 2004 we were ready to have a second child.  The reason for the big gap was that Sandie and I are meticulous planners.  We wanted to have certain things accomplished before having another child.  At that time Sandie had completed podiatry school and three years of residency, I had finished up grad school, and Emily had grown (seemingly overnight) from a baby to a girl with a charming personality and her own view of the world.  So we had it all planned out.  Sandie would get pregnant in the summer, be due at the end May (when her residency was completed), she would then take a couple of months off before starting to practice.  We assumed that it would just work since Sandie got pregnant with Emily without us trying.  It didn't.  We tried for a coupled of months to no avail. 

For years we had talked about adopting a third child once we had two children.  Since we were not able to conceive #2 on our own, we decided to step up our adoption plan.  We immediately got in contact with the Madisons.  I should mention that the Madisons are close family friends.  As a teenager I had witnessed first hand the work that Aleda does to bring joy to people.  So for us, there was no one else we would have considered.  Aleda explained to us each of their programs and the country specific adoptions processes.  We quickly decided to go with Guatemala.  We also decided that we did not care about the baby’s gender.  From that point on Sandie took over working with Aleda and Diana on the adoption.  She was absolutely unbelievable.  She got the paper work ready and through in record time.  I think even the Madisons were surprised at how quickly Sandie navigated the forms and processes.  Through the combined efforts of Sandie, Aleda, Diana, and the rest of Madison team we received our referral on Christmas Eve.  It was a baby girl.  We decided to name her Molly.  Once we had the referral it was very difficult to wait for everything to get approved.  We cherished the monthly emails from the doctor that included two or three pictures. 

I should mention that during this waiting period things were rapidly changing in our lives.  Specifically, Sandie had lined up a job to start in the summer at the end of her residency, we moved to a new house that was more central between her new job and my job, and not surprisingly Sandie got pregnant.  The first two were planned; the third was like a gift.

In June we got everything approved and Sandie and her dad went to Guatemala to get Molly.  It was the day before she turned 6 months.  She immediately went to Sandie and they bonded.  Everything went great and they came home two days later.  Emily and I were waiting at the airport with Sandie's mom, my mom, and my dad.  Aleda, Diana, and Chuck also came to welcome Molly home.  When they came through security and Sandie handed me Molly it was one of the best moments of my life.  It is funny to think that you can love someone you have never met.  But the moment I held her I loved her.  From the moment we brought her home she was ours and we were hers.  I can remember my mom saying "it is like she has always been here".

We had some growing pains at first.  Molly wasn't sleeping through the night.  She also was afraid of electronic toys.  However, those things quickly passed.  We had our third child Abbey in November.  It was the same month that we readopted Molly in Pennsylvania.  We all crowded into the judge’s chamber. When the judge asked as to place our hands on the bible Sandie and I did as he instructed.  Then we heard the judge laughing because Emily also put her hand on the bible.  

Molly and Abbey are just 10 months apart.  They have a very special relationship.  They are each others constant companion.  They also range from hugging and comforting each other to rolling around on the floor in ball.  In March of 2006 we applied for citizenship for Molly.  We were pleased to find out that not only was it granted, but that she would be part of a citizenship ceremony on the 4th of July at the Betsy Ross house in Philadelphia.  It was an awesome day that included singing, crafts, food, and a bell ringing ceremony.  By the way, all of the major local news stations covered it.  So Sandie and Molly were on the nightly news on 4 channels.  Emily was really please because she also got some air time. We were lucky that channel CN8 was there covering it too.  Sandie's best friend produced the nightly news.  She got us a copy of their complete footage.

Molly just turned 3 in December.  She is a great kid (or at least as great as a 3 year old can be).  I haven't thought about the adoption in a long time.  Honestly, sometimes I forget that Molly is adopted because when I look at her I just see my child.  The adoption was a great experience and it went really well.  However, the adoption is secondary to loving and raising a child.  

One additional note.  We just had our fourth child in October.  His name is Tommy (a boy!).  The girls all adore him.  Molly and Abbey are all over him.  We now refer to the kids as "The Team" or "Team Grulke" because of their first initials (T - Tommy, E - Emily, A - Abbey, M - Molly).  We are thinking about buying them matching jumpsuits and writing a theme song (well at least I am).  

by Matt Grulke

Our Journey to Anneliese Noelle

October 1, 2007

The following narrative is our story of international adoption. 

My husband and I had talked about adoption for a number of years but in August 2005 we began investigating adoption agencies. We found an agency in our home state who worked closely with Madison Adoption Agency (MAA) and we decided to adopt internationally. We were specifically interested in adopting a little girl and felt in our hearts that China was right for us. 

Once our dossier was complete, our documents were sent to the MAA to be authenticated then sent to China. We were logged-in on May 31, 2006 in the non-special needs program. As the months continued and the wait for a healthy child lengthened, my husband and I began discussing the special needs program. I had a long talk with Diana Bramble at MAA and realized that children with what we would consider extremely minor and often completely correctable problems were classified as special needs children in China. We requested to review files of available children and in December 2006 found our precious daughter. 

Wu Shuang Xia had been abandoned at birth and left at the health department. She was 18 months old at the time of referral and had deformities of her hands and feet. She had been born with amniotic banding syndrome and had had surgery in China at age 10 months to release the band on her right leg and to separate the fingers on her left hand. She was missing part of her left great toe and had shortened digits on both hands.  

Her right middle three toes were conjoined and she had a club foot on the right. She also had the biggest most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. The instant that I opened the email picture of her, I knew this was our daughter. I cried. I called my husband and sent him the pictures then I called Diana at the MAA and asked what I needed to do to bring this little girl home. I was certain she was meant to be ours. She was to become Anneliese Noelle.

After 4 long months of waiting, our travel approval arrived. Despite incredible odds, Diana arranged for us to have Anneliese in our arms less than 2 weeks later. After all those months of waiting, we were finally on a plane to China. My husband's parents and our 15 year-old son accompanied us on the trip. We spent a week in Beijing then traveled to Wuhan to meet our daughter. The translator with the MAA met us promptly at the airport, transported us to our hotel and helped us wade through the mounds of paper work. 

I think that I was still in a state of shock and disbelief when we entered the Social Welfare Institute (SWI) the following morning. I had read all the books on international adoption and china adoptions and was prepared for the worst-just in case. Was this really going to happen? Was our child there? Was this the child we had chosen? Would she have other problems we didn't know about? Was she in poor health? How developmentally delayed was she? Would we have attachment issues? How would my husband, son and the rest of my family feel about her? 

We were ushered into a room at the middle of the hallway. There were other families present and some children being held by nannies. My husband said, "I think that is her" and pointed to a small child in a yellow outfit. I was still in a state of disbelief. I couldn't believe it was finally going to happen. Our names were called and the nanny handed me the little girl in yellow. I cried, she cried. She was so tiny and so beautiful. I hardly recall the formalities that transpired after that. We signed documents allowing us a trial period of 24 hours and were taken back to our hotel. 

After taking her out of the five layers of clothing she was dressed in, we found a tiny but healthy appearing child. She weighed 24 lbs and was wearing size 12 month clothes and a size 4 shoe. Her deformities were what we had expected and seemed relatively minor. She was eager to walk and explore although it was obvious that her balance was an issue. She attached to me immediately and would not let me out of her sight.  

Initially, she appeared afraid of the men in our group. But by the next morning, Anneliese was blowing kisses to everyone at the breakfast table. On our second morning together, she sat in her crib for 2 hours and played and laughed with our 15 year-old son. By the time we got to Guangzhou, she was running and falling into my husband's arms. She was incredibly lovable and we all were madly in love with her. She was thriving in all the attention and affection. 

When we got Anneliese's visa, we left Guangzhou for Hong Kong. At that point we were simply on vacation. We spent one day at Disneyland in Hong Kong and several days doing other tourist activities. We had time for Anneliese to bond with us and her grandparents. Her paternal grandfather is 6'4" tall and has a mustache. Clearly, Anneliese had never spent much time with men and surely had never seen anyone like her grandfather.  

However, by the end of our time in Hong Kong, Anneliese would even permit him to hold her. It was a very special time for all of us. There were tears when Anneliese's grandparents headed for home. They will forever treasure those first two weeks of her life with us. 

Alone for the first time as a family of four, we headed for Hawaii. This was our time to bond with Anneliese as a family.  We ate, slept and played. Along the way, we celebrated our son's 16th birthday. Anneliese was an angel. She played in the pool and the hot tub and walked the grounds of the resort with us. We have cherished memories from that part of the trip as well. 

We arrived home on May 1, 2007. Anneliese's maternal grandparents met us at the airport and stayed with us for several days. This was a Godsend. We were all exhausted and had jetlag from the trip. Anneliese got to spend time with her grandparents and we got some rest. Her maternal grandparents were thrilled to meet her and fell in love instantly as well. My parents both cried when they had to leave for home. 

We finally settled into a routine. Anneliese has always taken a two hour nap during the day and slept through the night. She was nearly potty trained when she was adopted at 22 months old and we are slowly working on that. She began learning to climb the multiple staircases in the house and learned to pet our yellow Labrador retriever. When we would go to my son's school to pick him up, Anneliese would walk down the hall shouting his name. She loves her big brother and gives him hugs and kisses "night-night" every day. In turn, he loves being loved unconditionally by a new family member and grins from "ear-to-ear" when she wants him to hold her and when she is affectionate to him. 

Fortunately, we were able to travel to meet all the relatives in June 2007. We celebrated Anneliese's 2nd birthday and had her baptized while we were there. By this time, she was communicating both in baby sign language and English. When we returned home, we had her fitted with a right leg cast for her club foot. She was suppose to wear it for 2-3 week but only wore it for a week and a half. She discovered that she could walk on the cast but then rubbed a sore on her foot which necessitated removing the cast early. Where there is a will, there is a way. This is certainly true for Anneliese. I have never seen so much joy on a child's face as when the cast was removed and she realized that she could walk and run again. She was elated. Since then she has been in a brace and a regular shoe. She can walk well and even run with good balance now. No surgery is expected to be needed for her foot. She is scheduled for surgery to release a band on her left thumb in November 2007. We don't anticipate any problems. 

Currently, she is speaking in full sentences. When I play Mandarin CDs for her she repeats the words in both Mandarin and English (previously she would only repeat the words in Mandarin). Sometimes she talks so fast it is difficult to understand her. One day I was playing outside with her and couldn't understand what she was saying so she used sign language to explain the words I couldn't understand.  It was priceless. She still signs along with her English for more difficult words but tends to use English only for the words she knows well and uses frequently. One of the first words in English that she learned was "no." If he didn't want to do something she would simple say, "nope." She is an angel with a strong will and she doesn't let you forget it. The narrative update from China that came with her referral used the word "obstinate" to describe her at times. I've often thought how appropriate that was. It is, in fact, the characteristic that gave her the will to live when she was removed from her only known caretaker and confined to the hospital for more than a month at the age of 10 months old. She is a fighter, a survivor. 

Now that she has been home for 5 months, she is very comfortable in the house. She freely explores and enjoys playing in her room. She often spends 15-30 minutes each morning just playing quietly in her crib before she calls one of us to pick her up. She will call my husband by saying "Ba Ba, get me." Ba Ba is Mandarin for Daddy and my husband prefers the name.  

Anneliese has inner and outer beauty. I do not think about her "disability" on a daily basis. The truth is that she can run and play the same as any other child. She is able to pick up the tiniest speck of dirt with either hand and can manipulate objects quite easily. This weekend, I found her hanging from her hands and swinging from the underside of the countertop. I don't believe there is anything she can't do. I suspect that in her short life she has known sadness, loneliness and uncertainty but now she also knows joy, love and hope. Because of her, we all have more joy, love and hope in our lives. We have truly been blessed. 

Sincerely,

Bringing Home Ian

By Sarah Maples

September 29, 2007

We were recently asked to write a letter describing our experience adopting a child through Madison Adoption Associates.  It is my honor to write this on their behalf.  We have nothing but good things to say about them and our experience was amazing. 

In December of 2005, we adopted our second child.  A baby girl from the Dianbai Social Welfare Institute in Guangdong, China.  Shortly after coming home, I joined a yahoo group for families that have adopted from Dianbai SWI.  About 6 months after bringing Ivy home, my husband and I started to talk about adding a third child.  One Sunday morning, we discussed adopting a special needs boy from China.  I assumed he would have a cleft palate abnormality of some type since that is quite common in China.  My husband Jon agreed but this was just the beginning discussion and we knew it wouldn’t be for quite awhile.  When I got to work the next day, I had an e-mail from the yahoo group of Dianbai families.  I got chills as I read the e-mail.  It was from a woman advocating to find a family for a little boy from China with a severe bilateral cleft lip and palate.  I felt weak and lightheaded because I had a feeling I was reading about our son.  I immediately called my husband and sent him the e-mail.  Could it really be?  We talked when we got home from work that night and decided to call the agency with his referral for more information.  I left a message with an answering service and anxiously waited for a return call.  Just a short time later, I received the life changing phone call from Diana Bramble at Madison Adoption Associates.  I was just calling to obtain more information about the little boy they had named Joseph.  Diana informed me that he was still in need of his forever family and that we were the answer to so many people’s prayers.  He was at the same institution as our daughter was when we adopted her.  We all got caught up in the moment and excitement that we realized we hadn’t even seen a picture of our son yet.  Diana quickly e-mailed me the photos she had and it was instant love.  Bai Xiao Hua has the sweetest most loving eyes we had ever seen.  He hadn’t had any operations yet but I barely noticed his cleft lip even though it was severe.  His eyes captured our hearts.  We soon decided on a new name for him.  We would call him Ian Hua Maples. 

Now we would begin the ever famous paper chase.  This was our third adoption so the process was still very familiar to us.  We had a lot of concerns about financing this adoption as we hadn’t seriously planned to adopt so soon.  Madison Adoption Associates is so generous and dedicated to placing these children that they gave us a substantial discount to their agency fees.  This act of kindness allowed us to adopt Ian and we are forever grateful.  We had our dossier together quite quickly and got everything sent to Diana.  Our part was done now and we just had to sit back and wait.  The hardest part about any adoption.   

Ian Hua Maples physically joined our family on December 7^th, 2006.  Ian was one scared little boy and didn’t want anything to do with Jon or me.  We spent quite a bit of time with him and the nannies before they had to leave.  Ian cried all the way to our hotel and then cried himself to sleep.  It was so heartbreaking and something we hadn’t experienced with our other 2 kids.  The initial attachment period was extremely stressful and I cried a lot the first week.  Ian rejected me and barely tolerated Jon.  It was so sad to see him so scared and upset.  Diana reassured me that this was normal and that it was actually a good thing because it meant he was loved and had formed attachments with his nannies.  This meant he would be capable of attaching to us.  After about 1 week, he started to trust us more and more and by the time we left for home, he was starting to show signs of love. 

The adjustment time at home for Ian and the rest of the family was quite typical.  Some jealousy from all the kids but overall, a smooth transition.  We had Ian in to see a doctor right away to get a referral for his palate surgery.  I had also noticed he had such scaly legs.  I asked the doctor about this and he just told me to put lots of lotion on his body.  We had Ian’s hearing tested in February and got a surgery date set for March to repair his cleft palate.  He would also get tubes put in his ears to drain built up fluid and help him hear better.  In the mean time, we took him to a dentist because it seemed like his teeth were bothering him.  He had a surgery in February to fix his rotten teeth.  He had to have 2 teeth pulled, 4 pulpectomies and crowns, and fillings in every other tooth he had.  This was a rather costly and unforeseen surgery.  It was never an option not to do the surgery though as doing nothing could have caused problems for his adult teeth later in life.  Thankfully we have health insurance that helped out with the bill.  A month later, Ian had his cleft palate repaired and everything looked great.  He only spent one night in the hospital.  He was in a lot of pain and I would just sit and cry with him because there was nothing I could do to help.  Unfortunately 5 days post surgery, his sutures came out and the palate re-opened.  I was devastated because I didn’t want him to have to go through this again.  We were told the operation would not be for another year now to let the tissues have plenty of time to heal and soften again.  We were delighted to find out in June that it may be able to be operated on in October of this year.  We are praying all goes well this time and it will be a success. 

Despite Ian’s medical issues, we’ve had many other challenges with him.  His scaly skin that I mentioned before, turned out to be Ichthyosis which is a genetic skin condition. He has a mild form and we are able to control it with topical creams and oils.  Also, communication has been a nightmare for all of us.  Ian tries very hard to speak but no one can understand anything he says.  It is frustrating to him and to all of us.  We taught him some sign language though which helped a great deal.  Due to the communication issues, there have been behavior issues as well.  Ian is easily frustrated and whines a lot but who can blame him?  He knows what he wants to say but can’t get it to sound like he wants it to.  He has been evaluated by several speech pathologists though and will begin speech therapy once his next surgery is complete and healed.  He is slowly learning how to play appropriately with other kids.  He loves to tease kids by taking their toys and running so they chase him.  The kids cry because they don’t understand that he’s just playing.  Ian runs away laughing and throws the toys just out of their reach.  He is a very funny silly little boy.  

Ian has made so many advances in the 10 months that we’ve had him.  He was quite developmentally behind when we adopted him at 2 ½ year of age.  He more closely resembled a 12 month old.  You’d never know it now.  Aside from his speech, he’s pretty close to being on target for other 3 year olds. He continues to amaze us every day with things he learns.  Now, if we could just get him toilet trained.  We are getting close though. 

Ian is such a delightful child to have.  He is so affectionate and loves to hug and kiss everyone.  He would sit on my lap and give me constant hugs and kisses for hours if I’d let him.  He has the most gorgeous smile and a twinkle in his eyes.  The same twinkle we fell in love with the moment we saw his picture for the first time.  Everyone loves Ian!!  If it weren’t for Madison Adoption Associates, we wouldn’t have Ian and we‘d be missing out on the life of this beautiful child. 

We will forever be grateful to Aleda and Diana at Madison Adoption Associates for making us a family of 5. We would not think twice about going through them to adopt another child and hope to do it again some day.  We consider Diana part of our family now and hope to stay in touch for years to come. 

Warmest Regards,

Sarah Maples